I have been working with an elderly man in one to one sessions for the past three months. Tom has dementia and was referred to music therapy because he is aware of his losses. In beginning work with him, I observed that he was very shut down and was only able to give one word answers. Though he has spent most of our time together lying on his bed, passively listening to the music, he has given me a firm “Yes” every time I’ve invited him to have a visit.
In learning more about Tom throughout the following weeks, I discovered just how disconnected he was in the world around him and in his relationships. Even his son told me stories of how unreachable he felt his dad was. It seemed that Tom had found a world of his own and was content being there alone.
I have tried everything in our music therapy sessions together to reach Tom. He doesn’t sing along to familiar songs, and though he has humoured me by trying out a maraca or a glockenspiel, it was obvious that he was just going through the motions. There was no spark in him with any of the many instruments or interventions I’ve tried. Finally I decided that what Tom needed from the music and me was some space, acceptance and support. A series of sessions followed this decision where Tom lay on his bed while I played very gentle, soft, supportive music – with no response from him.
A few weeks ago I started to notice changes in Tom… a response! Tom began to show signs of connecting to his musical experience. He began making eye contact with me, smiling after a song finished. If this weren’t a huge step forward in itself, then Tom physically began to reach out for my hand – almost a non-verbal thank you, at the end of our sessions. And if this weren’t enough, I couldn’t believe what today’s session brought…
I decided to challenge Tom in today’s session given the progress he has made in the past few weeks. I bought a hand drum into our session to see what would happen. I handed it to him as I finished getting set up and he immediately began to play – without my encouragement – playing organically… he was drawn to playing this drum. He explored all the different parts of the drum, dynamics (softs & louds), with the mallet and then just with his hand and fingers. I started to play “School Days” and Tom played right along with me in time, even anticipating and exagerating the last phrase (“when we were a couple of kids”). From there we went into an improvisation, with me using my guitar as a drum with the strings muted. We weaved in and out of intricate patterns together, Tom providing detail, working off what I was doing musically and then creating his own patterns which I supported. We were jamming, grooving, in sync and completely connected.
That’s about when my eyes popped out of their sockets. I’m planning on bringing my djembe drum in to show him next week – I can’t wait to see what happens. Today was a great day… one of those beautiful sessions where you get to see someone’s life change for the better because of what you do. I’m so happy for Tom that he has finally found his instrument and his voice!
